Picking and Choosing Wedding Traditions

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For those of you who are new to this party, Mr. B and I are getting married in May. We are having a destination wedding in Riviera Maya, and since we are getting married on the beach, neither of us plan to wear shoes. Clearly, we never had our hearts set on a traditional wedding. We want some traditional elements, but at this point, we are kind of picking and choosing which to keep and which to ditch.

For example, we don’t think we want to spend the night before our nuptials apart. I think the resort offers us a separate room for the groom for the night before, but we probably won’t be taking them up on it. There are a few reasons for this, but mostly we already live together, so it seems a little silly. We will part ways in the morning, so when I walk down the aisle it will still pretty much be the first time he’s seen me all day.

 Also, I won’t be walking down the aisle to the traditional wedding march, we are going to look for a song that suits us a little more. Mr. B won’t be wearing a tie, and we are considering registering at Amazon. So, while it’s nothing too strange, it’s certainly not the most traditional wedding.

Anyway, I’m going dress shopping tomorrow, and it got me thinking about another tradition/superstition: the groom shouldn’t see the dress (or the bride in the dress?) before the ceremony. I’m not considering dragging the poor guy along to watch me try on bridal gowns, but I really do value his opinion. Once I choose a dress, or if I’m trying to decide between dresses, can I show him? 

I’m not looking for anything crazy, the dresses I like are fairly traditional gowns, but Mr. B does tend to question my fashion choices. (Fair is fair, I question his too.) He’d never tell me what to wear, (in fact he usually tells me not to change or to just wear whatever I want), but that doesn’t stop him from voicing his opinion when I ask for it. He’s made it known that he doesn’t like anything strapless (not an issue for my wedding dress, a strapless gown isn’t for me) and he loves me in baby pink (which is odd because he doesn’t go crazy over anything girly) and Ugg boots (what guy actually likes those? Mine, apparently.)

Here’s the real conundrum: he doesn’t like lace, and I’m looking for something along the lines of this:

He tells me that he’s sure I will look beautiful in whatever I choose, and I really do believe that he would think I looked beautiful if I walked down the aisle in a burlap sack. Still, he says that lace is “old lady-ish”, and I don’t want to take the chance that he will view my wedding dress as matronly. It’s entirely possible that tomorrow I will try on similar dresses and decide they aren’t for me. I could end up going in a completely different direction, you never know. No matter what though, I care what he thinks; his opinion is important to me.

I always consult with him on big stuff, and sometimes even trivial stuff. Even if I don’t always take his advice, I like to know where he stands and what he’s thinking. Plus, even when I’m not looking for his opinion on a new purchase, I always show it to him. I get excited and I want to share. Maybe that’s why it seems so odd not to discuss something so huge with him. It’s a big decision and it’s exciting!

I’m not superstitious enough to believe that our marriage won’t last if I do show him, but I kind of like the idea of him seeing it for the first time on our wedding day. I wouldn’t model it for him or anything, so our wedding day would be the first time he sees me in it. I’m just not sure if I want to show him a photo of the dress I pick.

Should I not show him at all? If I do, where do I draw the line? Do I show him the actual dress when I pick it up? Or should I draw the line at showing him a photo of it? What are your thoughts? Does every bride hide the dress from the groom or is it an outdated tradition?

  • Cindi

    No, no, no! Ryan should not even see a picture of the dress. Like you said, he’d think you’d look nice in anything. And you don’t always listen to his opinion so if you love the dress why let him spoil it for you when you’re walking down the beach thinking ” he really doesn’t like my dress”?