I Feel Fluffy. And Blah. Mostly Blah.

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My wedding dress has arrived.

About a month and half earlier than anticipated.

I got a call from the bridal shop last week that it came in early, and they are ready for me to come for my first fitting. But instead of joy, overwhelming excitement, and all that wonderful bride-y flutter, my first reaction was “Uh, thanks. Maybe later.”

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to marry Mr. B. I adore my gown. The ladies at the bridal shop were beyond wonderful, so it’s not like I’m avoiding them. So why wasn’t I rushing out the door to see what is arguably the most monumental article of clothing I will ever wear?

I joked that between my trip to New Orleans and all the Thanksgiving food, I’d eaten too much and was in no rush to try to squeeze into my dress. It’s true, I suppose. My clothes are a little snug these days and I am afraid the dress won’t exactly fit like a dream. But that’s not the whole story.

I’ve been eating like crap. I’m still not eating a ton of junk food, but I’m not eating the things that make me feel good. Lean protein and veggies? Sure, if someone else wants to cook it. No? I’m on my own? Ok then, Thanksgiving leftovers it is! I ate all of those? That’s cool. Pasta is cheap and easy. Basically, I’ve been carbo-loading for the last 2 weeks. Except, without the major athletic event. So I feel fluffy. Fluffy like all the mashed potatoes smothered in gravy that I’ve consumed in the last few weeks.

I’ve also been getting less exercise. I don’t work out in the typical way – I don’t go to the gym, or even really utilize the NordicTrack (remember those?!) in the basement. I’m busy, always on the move. Between the farm work and the boat and hiking with the dogs and horseback riding, I use my body. A lot. Except…it’s winter so there’s not a ton of work to do around the farm, and I’m not really up for leaving the warmth and comfort of the house these days. And since Mr. B still refuses to let me bring Sally in the house, I’m doing a lot less of the keep-me-moving stuff that I normally do. 

Slacking on the exercise + carbs + salt + butter = a fluffy Nikki.

This isn’t about my size or weight or dress size though. This is about how I feel. I feel sluggish. I feel bloated. I feel tired. I feel BLAH. And that’s the real problem.

I’m not concerned about how I look (though, let’s be honest, I don’t love the extra chunk protruding from the top of my jeans), I’m mostly concerned about how I feel. I don’t feel good. I feel lethargic, slow, and foggy. I know it’s my own fault, I don’t feel the way I want to feel. And I’ve realized, I don’t want that feeling anywhere near my wedding dress. May 10, 2014 is going to be a magical day, and I don’t want that blah feeling – or anything associated with it – anywhere in sight. So I don’t want to slip into that gown until I feel better in my own skin, until I feel better about my body and how I treat it and what it is capable of.

Yes, my face is a little rounder, my thighs are a smidge closer to one another, and my midsection is a little softer than it was a few months ago, but I don’t doubt that I will be able to zip the dress up. I do doubt is that I will feel good in it, and I don’t want to feel like anything less than a million bucks when I put it on . Even in the fitting room of a bridal shop, 3,000 miles and 6 months away from my wedding. I’ll brave the cold more often and take the time to make healthier meals. I’ll get back to me. And then I’ll go for my fitting, and it will be fabulous.


  • Brianna

    I feel you on this one girl! I was feeling the exact same way a few weeks ago. Its definitely not a fun feeling! But I’m sure you’re going to look absolutely stunning in your dress and when you put in on I’m sure you’ll be so overwhelmed and excited that you’ll feel great! Keep your head up! <3

  • Shannon Kerns

    Well said and I know exactly how you feel. I’m thin and people are always making comments about how small I am so I don’t dare say anything to most people, but you get it. I seem to go in 6 months waves. Half the year I eat great and exercise regularly, the other half of the year I’m a couch potato and eat like crap. You’d be filthy rich if you could invent something to motivate me to continue with the good habits year round 🙂


  • disqus_RljJurd8b3

    Rest assured you aren’t alone… says the girl who may have gone above and beyond on her downing of fajitas at dinner. Sigh. Living in the city it’s so hard to get a workout when it’s freezing. I work at home so I could go an entire day resting on my bootie. Hang in there, you’ll rock it. I’m going to try some Blogilates, seriously check her out on YouTube, she’ll kick your bootie. She also has a free app. I do one of her 15 min workouts and I feel it tomorrow. If you check her out tell me what you think.

    Keep is Sassy & Classy,



  • I lost 25 pounds in 6 months last year and at first I did it because I didn’t like how I looked… but now when I slack off I realize how much better it makes me FEEL. I totally get where you’re coming from!

  • i describe myself as fluffy to my husband about 4 times a year. i think it goes with the seasons personally. i always put on a bit of “fluff” at the beginning of the winter, and then the boredom makes me work out so much more the rest of the time. good for you for waiting until YOU feel right putting on what is sure to be a gorgeous dress!

  • Brit

    Nikki, I TOTALLY relate. I’ve been working out and eating better and haven’t seen much difference physically, but I feel a lot better. And I think I’d rather feel better if anything.

    You’re going to look so awesome on your wedding 🙂

  • Oh em gee! I can totally relate to this!! I have just finally motivated myself to get healthier because I want to FEEL better. I’ve been trying for about a year now and always failed. Then I started taking dance classes and now I’m hooked. I hope it lasts.

    Last week I tried on a wedding dress at David’s Bridal (my mom is making mine). I tried on a Size 4, which I highly doubt I would fit in. I did, but I still didn’t FEEL that pretty in it. Definitely need to work on those feelings.

    I know you can get them back and you will look AMAZING in your dress!

  • Erin Lee

    I am sure you look fine!! but i feel the same way when I eat too many carbs or sweets, its friggen hard this time of year!