Can I At Least Have Some Coffee First? Please?

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A new morning routine seems to have developed around our house, and I can’t say I’m loving it. I already find myself repeating the phrase “Joey! No means no!” far too many times a day. Lately though, I’m shouting it before my coffee mug is graced by the hot, caffeinated goodness.

Joey is a morning person, Daisie is not. This is nothing new. Up until recently, Joey had to entertain himself in the mornings because Daisie refuses to be his playmate before 9 a.m., but it never seemed to bother him much. A few weeks ago, however, he discovered that he could force the issue.

Every morning when we wake up, the first thing I do is let the dogs outside to pee. When I let them back in, Daisie goes straight back to bed – our bed. That’s ok, Mr. B and I don’t mind. But Joey does because he’s ready to play, and if Daisie is on the bed then she is out of his reach. His stubby little legs can’t get him up that high.

"Come on! Let's play!"

“Come on! Let’s play!”

So to prevent this, he now runs into our bedroom with her and herds her away from the bed. If he beats her in there, he hides under the bed. When Daisie approaches to jump up, he darts out with a playful yip like the evil little clown that he is, effectively stopping her from returning to her lazy slumber.

"I know what will convince her to play with me! An early-morning sneak attack!"

“I know what will convince her to play with me! An early-morning sneak attack!”

Well, this doesn’t fly with Daisie. And she tells him so with her get-the-hell-away-from-me bark. This bark is much different than Joey’s playful bark, but he doesn’t seem to notice (or mind?) and keeps going. He will run and jump around her, wagging his little tail nubbin and barking about how happy he is that they are playing. (Did I mention that this is all happening about 5 minutes after we wake up? And that we get up pretty early? Usually between 5:30 and 6:00.) Daisie then tells him again, while still trying to get around him and back up on the bed, that no, she is not playing. I know this is the message she is trying to convey because she repeats it loudly, sometimes with her teeth bared. (No worries, she’d never actually hurt him.) In response, the joyful little dope just happy-barks louder. Unfortunately, his up-beat demeanor does nothing to chip away at the unpleasantness of Daisie’s response.

Sometimes I even provide voice-overs for them:

Daisie: Oh my god, get away from me!

Joey: Oh my god, I love you!

Daisie: Go the eff away!

Joey: Look how much fun we are having!

Daisie: I wish you lived somewhere else!

Joey: I’m so happy you’re my sister!

They go back and forth like this until I separate them.

Every. Single. Morning.

It’s loud and very enthusiastic.

Oh, and did I mention this happens before the sun comes up? Before I even get coffee.

It’s a good thing Joey is cute. (And it’s a pity that his good looks aren’t helping him win Daisie over.)

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